Journal Entry: The Sword of Lite
Last night I got into bed panic-stricken, bloated, sugar-shocked, and 100% percent committed to starting a diet. I couldn't wait to leap out of bed in the morning and have a green vegetable juice with a scoop of pea powder for protein – but that was last night. This morning, I woke up and had scrambled eggs with bacon and cheese on a bagel. Two hours later, I had a cinnamon roll.
What happened between last night and this morning to destroy my resolve? Why would I have a breakfast better suited to a farm-hand than a couch-potato and then grab a pastry on my way to the subway?
I give up.
I can’t believe that at 50+ years of age, I’m still fighting this same battle. And I can’t stop asking… why food? No matter how much I understand about my family history and my fears and anxieties, I still feel hungry, angry and upset that I have to face this same issue over and over again.
So I’m taking a new approach. I'm going to accept my struggle with weight as the quest chosen for me by God. Like the quests of old, this quest will bring me to a place of enlightenment.
I am a knight of the “round” table. I don't have to go all the way to the Himalayas with Shirley MacClaine or travel to an Ashram in Tibet in search of understanding. My path is clear, though until now I have refused the call.
God has provided me with a challenge of gargantuan proportions, right here on the streets of Manhattan. It's a challenge that has attached itself to me, following behind me and threatening to suffocate my soul with flesh.
The Challenge: Slaying my own demons.
The Holy Grail: A healthy and height-weight proportionate body.
I trust that God, in his infinite wisdom, has chosen this quest for me because it's the right one – the one best suited to my spiritual growth.
A I move forward, I will see myself as a strong, virtuous, and honorable person following her given path – rather than a weak and weak-willed person following only food.
With every Danish, I’ll fight the good fight. I’ll claw my way back from the abyss of overindulgence. Despite the existence in this world of chocolate chocolate chip muffins and lemon coconut cake, I'll strive to make good and healthy decisions. And I’ll slay the demons of boredom, frustration and fear with the sword of lite (cooking).
For right now, though… I'll just take a deep breath and have a little faith.
May the force be with me.
